My Suicide
by SawatariK
Summary: She didn't know from the beginning.. Didn't she?


_**†My Suicide†**_

_**-Sawatari's P.O.V.-**_

_**Look at me. What I've become. What the fuck is this? Why did you have to treat me like this? Why! My life is ruin… My soulless body wonders around Rune-Midgard just like a lost soul… Searching for my one and only… Who is it…? That will make me full again… Let my soul be back to one… My heart be full again… Who is to do that? Who is to make me whole? Again? Are you the one…? Are you going to be the one for me? Someone… Just tell me… **_

_**This tears… Drop… Little by little… What are they for? Are they just wasted for you, my dear? Or are they just plain meaningless tears that shall be dropped until the time comes when I have to leave… Leave is pathetic little excuse of life… why…? Is it always you who can only heal is broken heart? Is it you who can pull me out of this dark and lonely place? But do you notice me? Can you see me? Can you her my voice, calling out your name? Can you feel me…? Why do you ignore me? Why! I just want to be with you… Can't you let me love you? Is it a must to reject my love for you?**_

_**Tell me… I can't take it any longer… I need to die… I need to leave this place… I need to leave you… I love you… Don't you know? No matter how long I'm going to wait… You still won't bother… Would you? Tell me, sweet love. Should I die? Should I really leave you? You once told me that you don't want me to have any suicide thoughts… But why do I have so much? Maybe it's cause of you. It's cause you don't know. How much I love you. Even if you do… I dun think you'd like me… I look so ugly… Don't you think so? Don't you think I look like a freak? But why… Why do the others say I'm cute and pretty? When I am not? Even with is… Blinker… And fox mask… Why can they still see through me? As an alchemist… I only choose to make those potions… For you… But you still don't know why… I chose to do this… Just for you… So accept me… As the one for you… Will you? Can you hear me singing this love song? Just for you? It's serenade so that you can hear me… And find me easily… I'm still waiting but… I can't wait any longer… I need to die.**_

_**-Normal P.O.V.-**_

_**Sawatari picks up the knife she had kept so long. Right in the middle of Payon… She just slits her wrist… Just like this. No one noticed at first… Blood flooded immediately yet there was no pain for her. Just blood… Nothing else. Was does she want to die so much? That's right… She wants to leave that assassin… Leave him so that she won't suffer more… Seeing him… Everywhere… Yet nowhere. She slits the other wrist… This time… There is no turning back. Just going forward… To die. To leave this place, escape from this illusions of him. She had enough. This is just too much for her to handle. Yet she knows that dying is not the root to everything… But she still wants to die.**_

_**She falls to the darkness… Falls onto the ground… Right in the middle of Payon… With a soft 'thud' and this time… With a swift turn of everyone… The people in Payon realized that the alchemist that was once lively and energetic girl… Now dead. Just because of the guy she was so madly in love with… And yet that guy ran in front of her and took that little diary she had kept all along… Since she became an alchemist… But why did he want to read her diary? Is it so that he can understand why she chose to die?**_

_**Yet, he opens the book… Turning to the last entry… The handwriting was messy and looks like her hand was shivering all the while when she was writing. Patches of tears were on that page too… Isn't it a lot of tears? It looks more like that page was covered with tears of her own… Tears of pain and despair… Why? Maybe he would understand after reading this last entry… And understand why…**_

" **_10th March 2001_**

_**Dear diary,**_

_**I've decided. I'm going to end this life… I'm going to commit suicide. Just here in the middle of Payon. I know that he will read this diary… I've written for so long… Are you going to do anything after you have read it? Or are you just going to ignore me… Tell me… I know you are reading this now… Don't you know why I choose to end it right here? I've really had enough… I can't take it any longer. I want to die. I want to leave this world… This world is just full of pain, sorrow, hurt, despair and betrayal… And everything is the cause of you and this so called word named "love". Why didn't you understand? Don't you know? How much I care? I just wanted to tell you that I still love you… Even after all this…**_

_**Goodbye… Sweet love…**_

_**Sawatari."**_

_**Was that the reason why she chose to die? Did he understand? Yes… He did… He picks up the knife… Stabbing himself… Dying… Next to her… Did he really love her? Soon after… Another young lady picks the diary up… And reads it out loud…**_

"_**I love you too my dear… Didn't you notice too? I was always next to you and waiting… But you didn't seem to notice to. But you chose to leave your life… So I'm going to leave mine too… I hope to see you in the after life…**_

_**Love… **_

_**XXXXX A/N: Sorry…I don't want to say his name…"**_

_**And it all turns out like this? He actually loved her… Yet she didn't know… How stupid of her… If she only knew that he actually loved her… Right from the beginning…**_

_**End.**_


End file.
